Monday, January 21, 2013
Is Marriage A Home-Wrecker?
A Guest Post by Brenda Perlin
“Can I be happy without a ring on my finger?”
I am so used to be married.
After so many years of holy matrimony (fifteen years to be exact) being a wife seemed so natural. It felt the way things should be.
Now that I have been divorced for nearly two years, I am still adjusting to not being someone's wife. That was a role I grew accustom to. Just saying “my husband” became second nature to me. I liked being a wife and having someone in my life that I knew without a pinch of doubt wanted to be with me until the end. Having that commitment, that wafer thin piece of paper gave my relationship validation.
Even though I have been with this one man for as long as I have been divorced, I am having a hard time adapting to not being someone’s wife. Calling your significant other “boyfriend” while you are in your forties just sounds silly. I know it doesn’t matter what people think, yet I can’t help wondering if I will remain content without that license. I am with someone who has told me he will never get married again. Will this be enough for me? Does having that agreement truly mean your relationship is more significant?
I thought I would stay married until the day that I died. I have always believed in the sanctity of marriage and now I have to learn to live in a different way. With that in mind, I hope my relationship will remain intact by staying with the status quo. Just like the old adage, “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.”
Sometimes getting married can be a Home Wrecker to any relationship. Either you sink or swim. So many great relationships change after the wedding vows. People stop working on the partnership because they are married.
I live with the hope that we will work just a little bit harder because we don't have the security of a wedding contract. I am counting on this being the case because the way things have been are the way I would like them to remain. What we have is so good. I would hate to do anything to change the dynamics of this relationship. Mentally, I can't afford to lose what we have built up. What we have is beautiful and we have jumped through hoops to get to this point.
The bottom line is, can I stay happy in a relationship that will never ever reach a higher level? Do I need that ring on my finger to be content? Don’t I already have everything I need? Has society just brainwashed me to believe that any good satisfying relationship has to lead to marriage? Can I live the rest of my life without that?
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